The Alphaville Herald

Tepid Life 2009: A Tasteful Success

by Alphaville Herald on 04/11/09 at 6:11 pm

by Miss Petunia Amaryllis Courtney Taliaferro, Second Life League of Decency

Herald readers will no doubt recall my prediction of the impending doom of all that is wicked, obscene, and crass in the cesspool of vice known as Second Life. 

At the time, I issued a manifesto of sorts to spur the righteous onward to victory. I am delighted to report that the revolution has begun! This year, in response to the fountain of naked debauchery known as Burning Life (where only loins, not the soul, grow inflamed) my fellow aesthetes and I began a counter-festival, Tepid Life 2009.

Events were crowded with throngs of visitors to witness the brilliance of many events, including:

The Wall of Doilies: Oh, my heart patters faster as I think of the brilliant handicrafts made by geniuses such as Miss Clytemnestra Oliphant-Jones, whose lacework carried the day for the Anita Bryant Medal of Uplifting Art. 

Art on the March: Such taste and dignity! The Prokofy Neva Award for Anti-Collectivism went to Reginald Candlewick Portnoy's “Ponderosa Serenade,” a Western-Themed work that was, well, a bit too folkloric for my refined palate.  But one must let down one's hair, so to speak, and be tolerant in the presence of great art.

A minor scandal erupted when someone dared to hang the racy “Arrangement in Gray and Black,” by that fop and degenerate James McNeill Whistler. Out of sympathy for the “artist's” poor mother, an upright woman by her poise, dress, and lace hanky, we allowed the painting to remain, though not a cheek was un-blushed.

Descend, O Muse!: The sensitive and haunted Septimus Severus Legume read his new haiku masterpieces:

“Ode on a Grecian Prim” 

Brown plywood cube
So much potential is there
I want souvlaki.

and

“Alas and Alack and Woe Unto Me! My Inventory is Erased.” 

Folders empty now
Before, thousand things within
Linden Lab, robber!

No eye was free of salty tears as we wept for him as he makes his mournful way in a virtual world filled with animated breasts, speaking uteruses, pretend hillbillies, technocommunists, and other handiwork of the Evil One.

Now that I have sufficiently recovered from the injuries inflicted upon my maidenly frame by the hellions of the Catfighting world, I plan to continue my campaign to expunge all filth from Second Life, until it stands like a beacon in a city upon a hill, beckoning all of us into saintly and pure living.  SLOD's arts budget is huge–we have collected over 300 Linden Dollars–and our purpose noble.

Onward, exemplars of virtue! Tepid Life 2010 will shock the world of Second Life back to proper taste and decorum.