Hard Alley Mayoral Election To Be Held February 20

by Alphaville Herald on 11/02/10 at 7:49 am

A new wave of sex sim self governance?

by Senban Babii, political correspondent

Snapshot_2142 01-02-2010

In a surprise move, Hard Rust,the owner of the Hard Alley sim has announced elections for theposition of Mayor Of Hard Alley.  No stranger to controversy,the Hard Alley sim has not been known as the epicenter of politicalchange in the past.  Is this a change for the better?  The Heraldcaught up with Hard Rust early this month to ask about these elections.

"Well,we just announced them last night.  We have 5-6 potential candidates,but nothing concrete so far.  I'm looking forward to see what theirpromises are myself."

While the position of Mayor Of Hard Alleywill have a roleplay element to it as one might imagine, Mr Rust waskeen to point out that this position would not be merely symbolic. Themayor's position will be "to help generate some fun RP in the sim, andto let people know that Hard Alley is a community and their ideas andopinions are important."

The cynical will no doubt imagine thatMr Rust will still run Hard Alley the way he sees fit but he assuredthe Herald that while he will retain overall executive power, the Mayorwill have an input in the running of the sim and that the role would betaken seriously.

Snapshot_2145 01-02-2010
  will the new mayor introduce policies to improve refuse collection in Hard Alley?
Isthis a mere publicity stunt to drive up traffic figures or is this infact a move in the direction of self-governance?  Hard Alley residentsseemed to be of the opinion that maybe it's time to show Linden Labthat some measure of this is possible.  So are we witnessing the birthof a political revolution in the unlikeliest of places?  Only time willtell.
The ballot itself will run on 20th February 2010 at the Hard Alley sim using A2Z Labs voting machines. Candidacy is open to all members of Second Life as is voting andmembership of Hard Alley-related groups is not a prerequisite. Approximately five or six candidates have already expressed an interestin putting themselves forward although those interested can still puttheir names forward if they wish.  It has been suggested that excellentcandidates could include Pappy Enoch and Miss Petunia AmaryllisCourtney Taliaferro of the Second Life League Of Decency, although theformer might be busy with his new multi-headed childand the latter might be overcome by the appalling lack of doilies andsugar tongs to be found in Hard Alley.  However her own manifesto must surely give her impetus to consider this a chance to change such a den of depravity for the better?
Candidatesshould announce their intention to stand to Hard Rust as soon aspossible by completing the application form available at the dispensersin Hard Alley and supply a one-or-two hundred word manifesto ofelection promises along with an official candidacy photograph.
Snapshot_2144 01-02-2010
  can the successful candidate look forward to a prestigious office space?
Lookto the Herald to provide up-to-the-minute coverage of this important election asit unfolds, including as much scandal as we can photoshop invent report.

24 Responses to “Hard Alley Mayoral Election To Be Held February 20”

  1. All Seeing Eye

    Feb 11th, 2010

    That’ll look great coming up on a pre employment screen. “So you were elected Mayor of Hard Alley, a public hardcore sex location in pervo life. How exactly did you make good on your promise to deliver blow jobs for all?”

  2. marilyn murphy

    Feb 11th, 2010

    That’ll look great coming up on a pre employment screen. “So you were elected Mayor of Hard Alley, a public hardcore sex location in pervo life. How exactly did you make good on your promise to deliver blow jobs for all?”

    actually, it was just a select few and a smoke filled room deal. like obama and the health care takeover deals.

  3. Pappy Enoch

    Feb 11th, 2010

    “It has been suggested that excellent candidates could include Pappy Enoch and Miss Petunia Amaryllis Courtney Taliaferro”

    Now I are honored. But kin a man wif prison-time like me be a may…say now.

    Ain’t that REQUIRED? It am in Richmond, Ol’ Virginny. They put ol’ Leonidas Young (Barney-Google him, folks) in the big house with two of his councilmen (both of ‘em wanted to be mayor). Ol’ Councilman Chuck Richardson couldn’t even read, they do say. As y’all kin tell, I are a regular Shakespear when it comes to making words say stuff.

    Now (puttin’ on my philosophur hat) Miss Petunia would be my #1 pick, in my opinion. Cleanin’ up Hard Alley might kill her dead tryin’ and make the fake world a better place.

    But she kin speak for herself.

    Y’all done forgot the most-likely pick: I heared that Ol’ Jumpman am a-gonna try, but he cain’t spell good enuff to complete the paperwork for the electshun.

    Jumpy, I knows you gets somebody to read the Herald to you, so if’n you hears this message, send 100,000L (or $4000 in real money–I works cheap) to me and I’ll write up them there Hard Alley forms so you can start takin’ bribes, gittin’ your knob polished, lookin’ at porn on your office cornputer, and so forth.

    That am what mayors does, anyhow.

  4. Scylla Rhiadra

    Feb 11th, 2010

    /me fingers her red beret, while considering whether it is worth throwing it into the ring . . .

  5. Darien Caldwell

    Feb 11th, 2010

    I imagine this will be one of the few elections which won’t be rocked by a sex scandal. :)

    I look forward to seeing the results.

  6. Hard Rust

    Feb 11th, 2010

    We began the official campaign period last night with 10-12 official candidates from such political parties as the “Tea Baggers” and the “Reform (School) Party”. The dirty underhanded tricks, lies, and cheating are in full swing!

  7. Jumpman Lane

    Feb 11th, 2010

    tard alley sux and tard rust swallows! my campaign slogan! hehehe where do these saps come from?

  8. corona anatine

    Feb 11th, 2010

    what does the job entail

    and can the mayor claim MP level expenses

  9. Senban Babii

    Feb 11th, 2010

    Well, the race for the mayor’s orifice is on it seems!

    Already I’m hearing stories of smear campaigns, backstabbing and threats against grandma! O.o

    If any of the candidates would like to say a few words and get their side of the story in before the other candidates, feel free to turn this comment section into your campaign trail 8D

    The current list of candidates and their parties are:-

    Twin Peaks Party – LeopardQueen Enoch
    Gang Bang Party – Zahara Velde
    Biker Party – SweetlySouthern Melody
    Reform School Party – Trixianna Saenz
    Teabaggers Party – Takashi Alekseev
    Aussie Party – BJ Ryba
    Osmosis Party – Aiden Swain
    Vaginocracy Party – Dina Swansong
    Independant – Ashleigh Willis
    Heck Party – Lexa Pro
    Pink Party – Shanna McCullough
    Crator Tot Party – Sortilege Thyben

    Remember candidates. Get your character assassinations in before your opponents do ;)

  10. Senban Babii

    Feb 11th, 2010


    I’m standing in-world right now with Pappy Enoch and his delightful hydra of a child in Hard Alley, where Pappy has just announced his candidacy for Mayor of Hard Alley!

    Despite some earlier difficulties posting his campaign poster (“dang corn-pooter machines”), Mr Enoch went on to discuss his desires to begin a new Enoch Dynasty for his multi-headed offspring Ulysses Diomedes Enoch to inherit.

    Mr Enoch seemed especially keen to discuss his child-raising policies to ensure a happier Second Life for all the prim babies which is unsurprising given his recent expose article right here in the Herald.

    When asked to say a few words to the Herald readers, mr Enoch had this to say (note, permission was gained to quote this section of the discussion – apparently hillbilly DMCA take-down notices involve shotguns and handfuls of lubricant)

    [12:57] Senban Babii: Care to say a few words to the readers?
    [12:57] Pappy Enoch: I can feel them bribes in my pocket already
    [12:57] Pappy Enoch: yes ma’am I does wish to
    [12:57] Senban Babii: lmao
    [12:57] Senban Babii: Cool :)
    [12:57] Pappy Enoch: We poor fake people done had about all we can stand from them Lindens
    [12:57] Pappy Enoch: We gots a RIGHT to our fake sex
    [12:58] Pappy Enoch: We gots a DUTY to be nasty and nekkid and corrupt!
    [12:58] Pappy Enoch: And I tell you ONE THING
    [12:58] Pappy Enoch: the barrel am gonna need a new bottom
    [12:58] Pappy Enoch: when I are mayor of Hard Alley!
    [12:58] Pappy Enoch: how’s that for speechifying?
    [12:59] Senban Babii: That’s great speechifying 8D
    [12:59] Pappy Enoch grins

    When it was pointed out that a relative of his was also in the running, his face grew dark. LeopardQueen Enoch of the Twin Peaks Party is considered the black sheep of the family according to Pappy and tales of bestiality at the dining table along with grandma-robbery abounded. Given that another candidate is making threats against her grandma (“VOTE FOR LEXA PRO ON FEBRUARY 20TH OR I’LL KILL GRANDMA”), it seems that one of the major issues around which this campaign will revolve is disrespectful behaviour towards grandparents.

    Will this cycle of grandma abuse never end?

  11. Jumpman Lane

    Feb 11th, 2010

    i’m banned over there anyways, fuck hard Rust.


    16:52] DJQuad Radio: [16:49] Hard Rust: Jump was harassing my guests. I dont care what avie they had, harassing people is against my rules, and using my name to threaten others with banning while insulting my club manager was just overboard stupid.
    [16:50] DJQuad Radio: he was harassing nobody. those dumb bitches started everything. i was there and saw it
    [16:50] Hard Rust is typing…
    [16:53] Jumpman Lane: he’s a chump fuck him

  12. corona anatine

    Feb 11th, 2010

    re the ‘Vaginocracy Party’ does this mean they have a voice at last?

  13. The Outlandish Party has joined the running! Prof Outlandish with the help of CMNF Naughty News will be covering the campaign from the inside. Send your juicy campaign tidbits to Magdalena Outlander for inclusion in our hard, penetrating investigative coverage of the election.

  14. Pappy Enoch

    Feb 12th, 2010

    I are now part of a political mersheen: The Party Party.

    Enoch 2010: Who’s Yo Pappy??

    Ms Babii done asked, “Will this cycle of grandma abuse never end?”

    Nope. But at least granny were dead when I come along, so had to abuse my mama.

    I hopes you will run a full account of my run for office, since I plans to make the Herald the official fake paper of that fake sex land, Hard Alley, when I runs the place rite.

  15. Stroker Serpentine

    Feb 12th, 2010

    Free SexGen(R) toy for everyone who votes for Pappy Enoch and the Party Party!

  16. Stroker Serpentine

    Feb 12th, 2010

    Regardless of who wins the esteemed honor of “Mayor of Hard Alley”, the incumming Mayor will receive a custom made “Hard Alley Mayor” office set. Strokerz Toyz will also make a donation of 20,000 linden to the “Public Works Department” of the prevailing candidate who agrees to burn an effigy of Jumpman Lane during the inaugural ceremonies.Let the bribes begin!

  17. Jumpman Lane

    Feb 13th, 2010

    say Stroker…who is Chyna Jinx? :)

  18. Hard Rust

    Feb 13th, 2010

    I’ll be converting part of the old Hard Luck Hotel as the new City Hall building to accomodate the Mayor’s office and the new furniture Mr. Serpentine is so graciously donating. Security cameras will be installed to capture the abuse of any interns.

  19. If elected, I promise to provide full coverage of the innaugural gala security cam footage in the Naughty News. Which reminds me, I need to add some campaign posters suitable for enjoying in the privacy of your own home to the campaign kit available in my sign. Expect that tomorrow evening. Remember, a vote for the Outlandish Party is a vote for trasnparency in government and in government uniforms.

  20. @Stroker, hell, I’d burn ol’ Jumpy in elegy, or in the flesh, on gineral principles.

    Can I still git that butt of his first? I always thought it were his best part.

    Only one thing botherifies me: somebody left this-here note on my trailer (which am the Party Party HQ):

    “You are an abomination of the first order, and you shall not live to enjoy the spoils of your wickedness, you unevolved invertebrate. We shall expunge you before you corrupt any more people.”

    It were sinned, at the bottom “Wild Orchid, Avenger of Purity.”

  21. Monica Lewinsky

    Feb 13th, 2010

    Puts on her best blue dress and sends in her application for Mayor’s Intern

  22. Jumpman Lane

    Feb 13th, 2010

    heheheheh need to take that 20k and buy some GOOD furniture lol!

  23. Hard Rust

    Feb 25th, 2010

    The election is over and Takashi Alexseev was victorious! Election day was a blast, with cheerleaders offering blow jobs to get votes for thier candidate, other candidates bribing and threatening voters, and some just playing dirty tricks on both the voters and the other candidates.

    Takashi was sworn in yesterday and now begins his reign of terror from his office atop City Hall, where he is already hard at work violating his interns.

    Thanks to all who participated and helped make this a lot of fun!

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