The Triumphant Return of Jimbo Quality – Part 1

by Alphaville Herald on 01/02/11 at 12:24 pm

by Jimbo Quality, Haiku master

I didn’t know what time it was, or where I was, all I knew was that someone was shaking me. “Jimbo,” a voice kept saying, “you have to wake up, the Herald needs you.”

I awoke and to my surprise it was Justine Babii, the cute little Post 6 Photographer that Pixeleen always steered away from me, and she was bent over me, and shaking me, and she looked concerned, and I could see down her shirt.

Then, I woke up for real. I was in a field, all alone, and I had a bitchin’ beard.

Jimbos Bitchin Beard
Jimbo’s bitchin’ beard

So I stretched and looked around and felt that something was oddly amiss. I fired up the interwebs and went to the Herald. January, 2011! Holy Crap! When did that happen?

I dropped some coins in the slot so that search would work and looked it up, and the last time I wrote anything for the Herald, it was March 31, 2008. Remarkably, here I am EXACTLY a year to the day later, writing for you again. [Telling time is not his forte, just roll with it ~The Editrix]. The lovely Justine Babii was sent to me in a dream to tell me that my three hour nap had turned into a one year slumber. Call me Rip Van Jimbo.

I immediately TP’d to the Herald offices. Pix was gonna be pissed. I’d been late before, but never a whole year late, I imagined she would make me do something awful like shave Uri’s back again.

I hopped off the teleporter and was greeted by swaying trees and the rustling of the breeze through the bushes, not the expected HOOOOOOs of Post 6 Strippers, the popping of champagne corks and exploding Bill Cosby Jell-owned signs of the days of yore.

The Herald Office was gone. WTF?

Herald Headquarters
former site of the Herald headquarters after virtual world Superfund cleanup

I checked my contact list- no one was on, even my friend Jeebus was offline. I wandered the land in silence, contemplating what I should do.

Now, for those of you worried about my mental state at this point, you would do well to know that I have traveled some lonesome roads before. In fact, as I pointed out in this article, I have walked the earth like the guy in Kung fu. I noted in the 2008 article that I had better hair, and I note in the 2011 article that I am better with knots.

I have also traveled the lonely road of politics. Back in 2007, I was happily working for the Herald, running their comments section and I decided to run for president of Second Life because I fell in love with the beautiful Hilary Clinton, who was also running for president of Second Life.

As I was walking the Earth in 2011, looking for the Herald Offices, I thought about how my campaign fell apart, despite my offerage of a very awesome agenda that included pot and steroids for any one, especially chickens.

Sad and without any friends, I took to the interwebs and tried to catch up on the news that had transpired since I’d been away- I read about the Sion chickens, and realized what a political force they would have been if I had had them in my camp, high and on steroids and voting for Jimbo.

Then, I was stunned to read that the hotness of my Hilary Clinton had grown into a whole slew of hot politicians- it was as if I’d scripted the rise of Joe Biden, and Sarah Palin. Hell, they even elected a President of Second Life that looks just like me.

Separated at Birth
Separated at birth?

And lots of other stuff too, I bet I said a lot of things that, when looked back upon knowing what happened next, looks really smart and prophetic. Like jetpacks and electric cars and the rise of a teen sensation that will be discarded as soon as a growth spurt makes him unpalatable.

 I was predicting the frickin’ future people, and you thought I was just high from huffing permanent markers. [Editrix note: Jimbo, you really were huffing markers, Tenshi has video].

Anyhow, lost and alone and mourning both the loss of everyone on my friends list, the Herald office building that had been my home, and the awesome Jimbomation I might have produced had I not been asleep during the year 2008-2011, I decided that rather than cry or break into song or grift a newbie out of some lindens, I would do what I do best. I would compose a Haiku:

Pix scowls, Justine weeps,
grumbling bird defecates, glum
Jimbo, office gone.

Haiku Master
Jimbo Quality: haiku master

[To Be Continued....]

9 Responses to “The Triumphant Return of Jimbo Quality – Part 1”

  1. James Freud

    Feb 1st, 2011

    It’s stories like this which make me wish that the Alphaville Herald would cease to exist.

  2. JustMe

    Feb 1st, 2011

    Welcome back, Jimbo …. we missed you !

  3. Horton Hoonoo

    Feb 1st, 2011

    It’s comments like yours that make me wish that James Freud would cease to exist.

    Good to have you back, Jimbo!

  4. marilyn murphy

    Feb 1st, 2011

    i remember you jimbo. haiku this you gerbil!

  5. Darien Caldwell

    Feb 1st, 2011

    ” the last time I wrote anything for the Herald, it was March 31, 2008. Remarkably, here I am EXACTLY a year to the day later, writing for you again. ”

    Considering this is Jan 31st, 2011, it’s not a year to the day. A year to the day from March 31st, 2008 would have been March 31st, 2009.

    This is 2 year, 10 months to the day.

  6. Newp

    Feb 1st, 2011


    More self-referential circle jerking.

    Let’s see some real news, like the scoop on those adoption agencies.

  7. Emperor Norton hears a who?

    Feb 1st, 2011

    The article reads like a stream of consciousness from a boring uncle going on about what he had for breakfast.

    Jimbo, you going to have to lay on a lot more dullness into your writing to be funny and American politics? Come on, that’s just so 2008s. There is a revolution going on over there.

  8. Senban Babii

    Feb 1st, 2011

    /me comes over all hot and flustered at the beard

  9. General Drama

    Feb 4th, 2011

    protip: Jimbo’s rip van winkle nap is a plot device, retards.

Leave a Reply