The Alphaville Herald

The Triumphant Return of Jimbo Quality – Part 1

by Alphaville Herald on 01/02/11 at 12:24 pm

by Jimbo Quality, Haiku master

I didn’t know what time it was, or where I was, all I knew was that someone was shaking me. “Jimbo,” a voice kept saying, “you have to wake up, the Herald needs you.”

I awoke and to my surprise it was Justine Babii, the cute little Post 6 Photographer that Pixeleen always steered away from me, and she was bent over me, and shaking me, and she looked concerned, and I could see down her shirt.

Then, I woke up for real. I was in a field, all alone, and I had a bitchin’ beard.

Jimbo’s bitchin’ beard

So I stretched and looked around and felt that something was oddly amiss. I fired up the interwebs and went to the Herald. January, 2011! Holy Crap! When did that happen?

I dropped some coins in the slot so that search would work and looked it up, and the last time I wrote anything for the Herald, it was March 31, 2008. Remarkably, here I am EXACTLY a year to the day later, writing for you again. [Telling time is not his forte, just roll with it ~The Editrix]. The lovely Justine Babii was sent to me in a dream to tell me that my three hour nap had turned into a one year slumber. Call me Rip Van Jimbo.

I immediately TP’d to the Herald offices. Pix was gonna be pissed. I’d been late before, but never a whole year late, I imagined she would make me do something awful like shave Uri’s back again.

I hopped off the teleporter and was greeted by swaying trees and the rustling of the breeze through the bushes, not the expected HOOOOOOs of Post 6 Strippers, the popping of champagne corks and exploding Bill Cosby Jell-owned signs of the days of yore.

The Herald Office was gone. WTF?

former site of the Herald headquarters after virtual world Superfund cleanup

I checked my contact list- no one was on, even my friend Jeebus was offline. I wandered the land in silence, contemplating what I should do.

Now, for those of you worried about my mental state at this point, you would do well to know that I have traveled some lonesome roads before. In fact, as I pointed out in this article, I have walked the earth like the guy in Kung fu. I noted in the 2008 article that I had better hair, and I note in the 2011 article that I am better with knots.

I have also traveled the lonely road of politics. Back in 2007, I was happily working for the Herald, running their comments section and I decided to run for president of Second Life because I fell in love with the beautiful Hilary Clinton, who was also running for president of Second Life.

As I was walking the Earth in 2011, looking for the Herald Offices, I thought about how my campaign fell apart, despite my offerage of a very awesome agenda that included pot and steroids for any one, especially chickens.

Sad and without any friends, I took to the interwebs and tried to catch up on the news that had transpired since I’d been away- I read about the Sion chickens, and realized what a political force they would have been if I had had them in my camp, high and on steroids and voting for Jimbo.

Then, I was stunned to read that the hotness of my Hilary Clinton had grown into a whole slew of hot politicians- it was as if I’d scripted the rise of Joe Biden, and Sarah Palin. Hell, they even elected a President of Second Life that looks just like me.

Separated at birth?

And lots of other stuff too, I bet I said a lot of things that, when looked back upon knowing what happened next, looks really smart and prophetic. Like jetpacks and electric cars and the rise of a teen sensation that will be discarded as soon as a growth spurt makes him unpalatable.

 I was predicting the frickin’ future people, and you thought I was just high from huffing permanent markers. [Editrix note: Jimbo, you really were huffing markers, Tenshi has video].

Anyhow, lost and alone and mourning both the loss of everyone on my friends list, the Herald office building that had been my home, and the awesome Jimbomation I might have produced had I not been asleep during the year 2008-2011, I decided that rather than cry or break into song or grift a newbie out of some lindens, I would do what I do best. I would compose a Haiku:

Pix scowls, Justine weeps,
grumbling bird defecates, glum
Jimbo, office gone.

Jimbo Quality: haiku master

[To Be Continued....]